untouchable face

think i'm going for a walk now
i feel a little unsteady
i don't want nobody to follow me
'cept maybe you
i could make you happy you know
if you weren't already
i could do a lot of things
and i do

tell you the truth i prefer
the worst of you
too bad you had to have a better half
she's not really my type
but i think you two are forever
and i hate to say it but
you're perfect together

so fuck you
and your untouchable face
and fuck you
for existing in the first place
and who am i
that i should be vying for your touch
and who am i
i bet you can't even tell me that much

two-thirty in the morning
and my gas tank will be empty soon
neon sign on the horizon
rubbing elbows with the moon
a safe haven of sleepless
where the deep fryer's always on
radio is counting down
the top 20 country songs
and out on the porch the fly strip is
waving like a flag in the wind
y'know, i don't look forward
to seeing you again soon
you'll look like a photograph of yourself
taken from far far away
and i won't know what to do
and i won't know what to say

except fuck you...
and your untouchable face
and fuck you
for existing in the first place
and who am i
that i should be vying for your touch
and who am i
i bet you can't even tell me that much

i see you and i'm so perplexed
what was i thinking
what will i think of next
where can i hide
in the back room there's a lamp
that hangs over the pool table
and when the fan is on it swings
gently side to side
there's a changing constellation
of balls as we are playing
i see orion and say nothing
the only thing i can think of saying

is fuck you...
and your untouchable face
and fuck you
for existing in the first place
and who am i
that i should be vying for your touch
and who am i
i bet you can't even tell me that much.

who am i
somebody to tell me a lie
who am i
somebody to tell me lies...

love

"Because through love, we feel the intensity of our connection to everything and everyone. And at the core we are all the same. We're all one."


Love is the stuff we're made of. How could we ever exist without it? Why would we ever even want to exist without it?


Is it not by loving someone or something that we feel purpose in life?

I KNEW IT!

Just now I Mystery Googled "how to fire a college president."

Here's what I got. O.O

motherfreaking EPIC

www.mysterygoogle.com

I typed in: what should i do to pass my classes.

Here's a screenshot of what I got. :)

interesting...

no longer wearing the onyx ring = less suffocating...


coincidence? i think not.

it's like Lord of the Rings. O.O

one word

suffocating.

Could you tell me how to get...

...how to get to Sesame Street?






As we become older, we become corrupted, for various reasons and in many ways. But occasionally, even if "wrong" to some of society, this crap is just FUNNY!

Disclaimer: mature audiences only...or at least teens. haha

Disclaimer round 2 (added 11/12/09): I DO NOT DO DRUGS! But just because I don't doesn't mean I can't laugh at the humorous media portrayal.



Don't judge. I know lots worse.

(ps - this too. http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=sensimilla)

It's only natural...

...to count down the days to something.






But what am I counting to anymore?

Elmo didn't succeed...

in cheering me up right now.



And in the spirit of malheur and tristesse, I feel I must blog it out before I (hopefully) get back to my relationship paper, which is due tomorrow at noon, of course.

Right now, for some reason, I really, really, really, really, really, really, really hate school. I feel so unmotivated to finish this semester, much less my undergraduate degree. How the hell can I ever hope to survive getting my Master's and PhD? Everybody says it will be okay, and I want to believe them, but I CAN'T WANNA. I wish I could figure out the reasons why I can't want to do anything anymore. Is it the depression? anxiety? ADHD? possible bipolar disorder? possible PTSD? what Hen and I are working on in counseling? a combination of all of the above?

Who the hell has to deal with all of this merde? I feel so suffocated and trapped right now. I just want out. I want to breathe. I want to feel purposeful. What happened to me? Where did I go? I suspected that I would lose the person I found in France once I returned, but I never thought it could be this bad. Is this even a real readjustment period anymore? It's been over 5 months...

I wonder what a day without feeling would be like...





...instead of this.

i feel grouchy

in more ways than one!!!

Well...it's about time we got some publicity.

And the email that MH sent out to students? WHERE WAS AN EMAIL WEEKS AGO!??! I'm just sayin'...

Google baby

I'm tellin' ya - Google is amazing. I think I'm gonna start collecting all the cool images that Google uses on its logo...

I love Sesame Street and Google does too!!!

I know I'm obsessed...

But I'm just so furious!

Thought you'd find this interesting - I realized the following a little bit ago. (And to all the haters of French, it was because of my studies that I made this connection.)

I am finding intriguing similarities between the French Revolution and the current situation at MC. The Vendéens (we, the students) are rebelling against the Roman Catholic Church (Meredith College), who are imposing the Civil Constitution of the Clergy (effects and policies of Vision 2010). But unlike the Vendéens, we students will claim more victory. Vive la Révolution !!!!!


Keep in mind that the French people still won the revolution in the end - and there was indeed great change. The Reign of Terror ended.


Yet another delightful "Farewell, Queen Maureen?" You probably don't need an oracle or Magic 8 Ball to answer that question...

NEVER UNDERESTIMATE...

...my research and Google skills. I can find nearly anything. So I decided to find this for you:




What's this image???

Well, I'm glad you asked! The above image is a spreadsheet and graph of Meredith College's "President's" salary information from 1999 (when she first arrived) to 2007-2008. The economy goes down and her salary goes up! (and by "President" I mean Dictator.)

Hey, YOU! Yes, you, Queen Maureen!
I don't see you making any sacrifices to help the "budget crisis" at Meredith. Why don't you consider a pay cut for the top administrators who make over $100,000 and are RUINING THE QUALITY OF EDUCATION AT MEREDITH COLLEGE?!! Oh, right, you have to pay for a top-notch Lexus, a personal chef and property on Hilton Head Island! And those are just the tip of the iceberg...But I've got news for you, Queenie. Meredith is NOT Titanic and you are NOT Captain Smith. We refuse to let you venture into that iceberg field to lead us to our ultimate demise.

Not to mention, we all know you can't speak a lick of French and you probably never could. How dare you insult French majors by saying that we could only read and write the language, but we could not speak it at all!! I am furious about your preposterous remark. I speak the language fluently and have all capability of carrying in-depth conversations with native speakers. I didn't receive a certificate in Level B2.2 with "mention assez bien" in the common European reference for languages for naught. I have talent, which is more than you can say for yourself, unless you consider leaving a path of destruction behind everywhere you go...

Queenie, please do us all a favor and go play in traffic, because regardless of what I say and do, I have a feeling you're going to come out on the losing end of this war. And I'll be there willing and ready to celebrate your defeat.

coooooooooooooooooookieeeeeeeee

Google is still my favorite. Sometimes random things that Google does put a smile on my face. I'd like to smile more often, but I still feel crappy. I guess one smile is a step in the right direction, though, right?


Let's hope so.

Driving away from the wreck of the day...

Maybe if I write it will be alright. I wish I had something profound to say...Instead, I'm just sitting here with my laptop, accomplishing nothing as usual, and I just popped a piece of Dubble Bubble in my mouth. I'll only chew it until it loses flavor and throw it into the trash. That seems to be characteristic of my life lately. When something loses its flavor, I throw it away.

Maybe if I blog, it will all come out of me. You see, there's something lurking inside of me, just underneath the surface that is trying to break through, to break free. I don't know if it's something good or bad, but I know that whatever it is, it's wreaking havoc on my life.

I wish I could say that I had the motivation, but it'd be a lie. Not that lying is hard to do; I do it all the time, but only to hide myself. I simply don't have the motivation anymore. I am trapped. I feel suffocated. I can't seem to find the reason why. Is it because I'm not in France anymore? Is this a delayed reaction to re-entering the States? Is it because I hate Meredith most days because of what this place has become? Do I really even hate Meredith? Or is France just so ingrained into me that I would not be happy anywhere else, at least not right now?

Everyone keeps telling me to take it one day at a time. I've been taking it one day at a time for so long and yet one day never makes any difference. With each day that passes, the further I get behind. Inside my head, I KNOW what I need to be doing...at least somewhat. Why can't I do these things? Often when I sit down to try to accomplish something, I send myself into a tizzy. If it were possible for me to self-soothe, don't you think I'd have learned HOW to do so by now? I can't think clearly anymore. My brain is all fuzzy.


Life is spinning out of control and I'm powerless...

Breathe (2am):

"There's a light at each end of this tunnel,
You shout 'cause you're just as far in as you'll ever be out
And these mistakes you've made, you'll just make them again
If you only try turning around.

2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song
If I get it all down on paper, it's no longer inside of me,
Threatening the life it belongs to."

That kid's got spunk! (and more funnies)

Peeps, I know the Palin disaster is long gone, but damn it, I just can't stop making jabs at that absolutely insane woman!! Having her in politics makes it interesting again because I'm just waiting to see what stupid thing she's gonna say or do next.

























McCain DEFINITELY went for the "old conservative Republican men need a pin-up to get it up" factor in the past election. Personally, something about her gives me the heebie jeebies, besides her extremely apparent lack of a brain.

Here's a novel concept...

STOP SPENDING MONEY ON BULLSHIT PROGRAMS AND SAVE MY MAJOR!


http://www.meredith.edu/giving/meredith-fund/sansepolcro.htm


Your gift to The Meredith Fund is a critical component of educating our students as world citizens. This year, your gift may also help you win a trip to our new location in Sansepolcro, Italy! Here’s how it works:

1. Make a gift of $200 or more to The Meredith Fund by March 1, 2010.

Or

2. Make a recurring online gift of at least $20/month to The Meredith Fund, totaling $200 by the end of the fiscal year, endingJune 30. You must make your first installment by March 1, 2010.

Two Thumbs Down for Queen Maureen

The following message was sent to all employees of Meredith College Wednesday, October 28, 2009.

******Note in that addressing the "Meredith Community," she doesn't include students as recipients of this message. A fine example of just how much the "beloved" Maureen Hartford *cares* about us students. ******

***************************
To the Meredith Community:

I know that many members of our community are interested in the actions of the Board of Trustees during their October meeting. In the interest of getting information to our community as quickly as possible, I have summarized the discussion and actions of the Board, without detailed explanation or comment. I sense the need for speed in sharing this information is more important than lengthy commentary. We will have the opportunity to discuss any of the Board’s actions in more detail at an upcoming town hall meeting. I do not have this meeting scheduled yet but will work with the Campus Budget Committee next week to do so.



The Meredith College Board of Trustees met on October 22-23, 2009. As you can imagine, the state of the economy and its impact on Meredith were the general foci of the meeting.

On Thursday afternoon the full Board of Trustees met and discussed three topics:

1. The external audit

2. Financial aid (led by Danny Green and Brian Christensen, Human Capital Research Corporation)

3. The 2008-09 and 2009-10 budgets

The Board spent the greatest amount of time discussing items two and three – and the impact of greater financial need on the budgets of last year and this year. Board members expressed significant concern about budget overruns in several areas during the 2008-09 fiscal year and the need to further reduce expenditures in 2009-10 both to balance the budget and increase the College’s cash reserves at the end of this fiscal year. These concerns infused the discussion throughout the two-day Board meeting. [More information on the budget issues will be sent by Bill Wade in the next few days.]

On Friday morning, the Board moved into their business session. This business included:

· Introduction of the visitors (Eloise Grathwohl, chair, Faculty Council; Jeannette Rogers, representative, Staff Affairs Committee; Amy Damone , ‘10, President, SGA; and Deborah Matthews, ’74, President, Alumnae Association) .

· President’s Report – which focused on an update of the SACS reaffirmation progress, the AACSB accreditation visit, opening Meredith’s study abroad facility in Sansepolcro, and an update on the work of the Ad Hoc Planning Committee.

· The board heard:

o The audit report (which found the College compliant with Government Accounting Standards). The full Board voted to approve the audit.

o A report on the action of the Business and Finance Committee approving the sale of land to the City of Raleigh for greenway expansion, after external verification that the offer made by the City was fair.

o A proposal from the Business and Finance Committee to take responsibility for approving the newly revised IRS Form 990 and sending it to the full Board for review before it is submitted.

o The Academic and Campus Life Committee’s unanimous approval of the proposed Benefits for Domestic Partners policy. This recommendation from Academic and Campus Life will return to the agenda once the Business and Finance Committee has reviewed the policy for potential financial impact.

o A response from the faculty on program review given orally by Dr. Eloise Grathwohl, Chair, Faculty Council

· The Board went into Executive Session to discuss the recommendations on program review. After significant discussion with President Hartford and Vice President Page, the full Board voted to approve the elimination of three academic programs (majors in French, Public History, and Women’s Studies) and the reduction of five faculty positions. The Board suspended action on the other program recommendations until they have more information about the College’s long-term financial needs.



Meredith College, while not immune from the effects of the global recession, is and remains in good financial shape. We shall have to continue to make hard choices over the next months to continue to be so. I look forward to working with you s we continue to chart the future of the College.



Maureen A. Hartford

President



*********************************************************************************

http://www.umich.edu/~mrev/archives/1999/3-10-99/pg13.htm

Nice heads-up there, University of Michigan! Perhaps we should have heeded your advice.

*****************************************************************************
--And a few years back...--

More proof that the MH totalitarian-esque reign is incredibly lacking in morals:

http://www.indyweek.com/gyrobase/Content?oid=oid%3A30315

"...Earlier, in a rebuke to Hartford, a nine-member Faculty Affairs Committee declared: "We consider the process that led to the college's accepting the current terms of the grant to have been seriously flawed. The College Handbook clearly states that the faculty is responsible for curriculum, and FAC firmly maintains that no funds should be accepted in situations where a donor appears to have played any role in curricular decisions."

Hartford and BB&T, the FAC continued, had violated that policy...."

******************************************************************************

Well, Queen Maureen, you've done it again...and frankly, I do believe your morals quite suck!

all i have to do is dream...

So I think I've decided that I might go to law school...Maybe it's just a whim, maybe it's just a phase. Who knows? But I've decided it and there's no harm in applying and trying to do it, right?

But if I'm gonna dream, I might as well dream BIG, right?

Right. Well, Georgetown Law would be my choice (at this point). GL has an extensive course listing in Communications Law - much more than I can find at other schools. Instead of a couple of courses available in the field, there are:

Administrative Law (which is a lot of FCC content, I think)
Communications Law and Policy
Communications Law: Law, Policy, and Politics in the Internet Age (seminar)
Content Issues and the Internet Seminar
Copyright Law
Entertainment Law Seminar
Free Press Seminar
Global Communications Policy and Regulation
Information Privacy Law
International Telecommunications Regulation Seminar
Law of Cyberspace
Telecommunications Law
Telecommunications Regulation

There's also the Institute for Public Representation (IPR), about which Georgetown explains, "The goal of this practice is to make the communications media accessible, diverse and responsive to the needs of all segments of the community. In the clinic, students represent advocacy, consumer and civil rights organizations before the Federal Communications Commission and the federal courts. Some of the issues that students have worked on over the past several years include children’s television, access for persons with disabilities to communications services, equal employment opportunities at broadcast stations, public interest requirements for digital and satellite broadcasters, the protection of children from unfair and deceptive marketing on the Internet, broadcast and cable ownership rules, and access to telephone service by homeless and low-income persons." The chance to work in the clinic for IPR is available to students interested in communications law. WOO HOO! :)


Who knew I could be so excited about law school!??! Better start studying for the LSATs...

First post

My other blog has become more of a journal, so I've decided to create a new public one. Have fun. :)

I really really hate Sarah Palin. Seriously. What a dumbass. I might be making fun of her a lot.