And in the spirit of malheur and tristesse, I feel I must blog it out before I (hopefully) get back to my relationship paper, which is due tomorrow at noon, of course.
Right now, for some reason, I really, really, really, really, really, really, really hate school. I feel so unmotivated to finish this semester, much less my undergraduate degree. How the hell can I ever hope to survive getting my Master's and PhD? Everybody says it will be okay, and I want to believe them, but I CAN'T WANNA. I wish I could figure out the reasons why I can't want to do anything anymore. Is it the depression? anxiety? ADHD? possible bipolar disorder? possible PTSD? what Hen and I are working on in counseling? a combination of all of the above?
Who the hell has to deal with all of this merde? I feel so suffocated and trapped right now. I just want out. I want to breathe. I want to feel purposeful. What happened to me? Where did I go? I suspected that I would lose the person I found in France once I returned, but I never thought it could be this bad. Is this even a real readjustment period anymore? It's been over 5 months...
I wonder what a day without feeling would be like...
...instead of this.
im still not over finland... i know where you're coming from : /
ReplyDelete